Hening.
We were staring at each other. Trying to find out what had been going wrong for the last three years. Trying to find if there was still sign of love between us.
"Sakit Han?" Chanyeol tersenyum, "Tell me how hurt you are when you already have someone to replace me."
His smile is a sarcasm.
"Lo gak ngerti, Yeol." Ujar gue pelan.
I bit my lips hard I felt like it was going to bleed, "Can we not talk about this today?" Gue mengambil napas panjang, "And... Please do me a favor. Let's pretend we just knew each other today in front of Dyo... Please?"
Chanyeol scoffed, "Kenapa?"
"Karena gue gak mau Dyo tau soal hubungan kita dulu."
"He deserves to know about it. About us."
"Then let me be the one who explains it to him. Later. Not now."
"Okay." He agreed.
Gue bernapas lega. Not until he asked me the the next question, though.
"But tell me, do you... Do you still love me, Han?"
I slowly turned my eyes to him. Tatapan mata Chanyeol gak lepas dari gue.
Hujan diluar sudah berhenti. I fancy Bandung after the rain, because the weather and the smell of the earth are nice. They put me at ease.
But to be here, in front of Chanyeol, after he asked me such a question.
I feel nothing but pain.
“Chanyeol, walaupun… walaupun gue masih sayang sama lo,” I inhale the barely exist air, “Gue udah punya Dyo…”
Again. Silence.
“That’s okay. At least we still feel the same.”
***
“Jadi kalian ketemu bertiga?"
Hani mengangguk.
Chen masih sibuk mengaduk spaghetti di dalam panci. They are in Chen's apartment. Yesterday, Hani asked him to spare his time for her, since she needs someone to talk to about what just happened the days before.
"Terus cowok lo tau Chanyeol pernah sama lo?"
"Nggak, gue gak mau dia tau juga, kok."
"Kenapa?"
"It will probably ruin their friendship, don't you think?"
Chen tertawa, "Pede banget."
Hani mencubit lengan Chen karena malu, "Ih, gak gitu. Lo tau kan Chanyeol orangnya gimana." Ujar Hani, kemudian mengecek spaghetti yang sudah mulai matang, "Udah tuh, angkat spaghettinya."
"Persistence." Chen mengikuti perintah Hani.
I nodded, memandang kosong kearah Chen yang sibuk meniriskan spaghetti.
"He asked me if I still loved him."
Chen berhenti sejenak. Fokusnya berpindah ke Hani.
"Did he?"
"Iya."
"Lo jawab apa?"
"I... I told him I'm already with Dyo, so..."
Alis Chen mengerut, “That didn’t answer the question.” Chen kembali fokus ke spaghettinya. memindahkan dari saringan ke piring yang sudah disiapkan sedari tadi.
“Dia nanya tentang perasaan lo sekarang ke dia, bukan soal hubungan lo sekarang.”
“I know…”
“Jadi lo masih sayang apa nggak sama dia?”
“Nggak tau Chen,” Hani diam sesaat. “I think I still do, but it hurts me at the same time to see him.”
Chen membawa dua piring berisikan Spaghetti Bolognise buatannya ke atas meja. Ia menarik kursi dan duduk didepan Hani.
"You still do, then?" Chen mengambil spaghettinya dengan garpu dan melahapnya.
Hani diam, hanya menggulung-gulung spaghettinya dengan garpunya. Dalam hatinya Hani masih berpikir apakah perasaannya pada Chanyeol masih sama seperti dulu. Namun, Hani sadar Chanyeol adalah salah satu orang yang ingin ia temui saat ia kembali ke Indonesia. That means she still kind of loves him, doesn't she?
But then, she knows she cares for Dyo too.
Is that possible to love two people at the same time?
"Kalo gitu lo salah Han, I don't think you can be like this." Chen menatap mata sahabat baiknya tersebut, "You have to choose one or you will lose both."
"So... Gue harus ngelupain Chanyeol?"
"No," Chen menggelengkan kepalanya, "Your heart belongs to Chanyeol. Putusin Dyo, balik ke Chanyeol."
***
It's Sunday. Me and Dyo are having our movie time in my home. Apparently, my family knows about our relationship though neither I nor Dyo say a word about it. Probably they found out because we have spent a lot of time together.
My mom and dad are not at home and my sister is forever hiding inside her bedroom. So it is a quality time for both of us.
Dyo sibuk memilih-milih DVD koleksinya. He is choosing it while humming, looks like someone is enjoying this moment so much. I can't help but smile looking at the grin on his face.
"Nonton ini, ya?" Ujar Dyo sambil menunjukkan cover DVD yang ia pegang.
"Prince of Tennis?" I sighed, "Can't we watch Harry Potter instead?"
"Tapi minggu lalu kita udah maraton Harry Potter..." He pouted.
"Ah. Iya. I forgot," I giggle, "Ya udah, let's watch this anime."
"Yeaay~" Dyo memasukkan CD anime kesayangannya itu ke dalam DVD player, kemudian beranjak dari depan TV untuk bergabung sama gue di sofa.
"Thank you!" Dyo kissed my temple, "Minggu depan let's watch Harry Potter lagi." He grins.
Minggu depan?
“You’ll come, right?” Tanya Chen.
“Ke?”
“Reunion. Di villa-nya Baekhyun di Lembang.”
“Oh,” Hani teringat ajakan yang ia terima di group angkatan SMA-nya, “Uhm, I think so.”
Chen mengangguk, “Chanyeol juga dateng, in case you want to know.”
“Dyo,” Gue mendongak agar bisa melihat wajah Dyo lebih jelas. Dyo mengeluarkan suara ‘Uhm’, namun pandangannya masih tertuju kearah tv. I get up from his chest.
“Minggu depan kayaknya aku mau pergi ke acara reunian…”
Dyo menoleh, “Kemana?”
“Uhm, villa temenku… di Lembang…”
“Berapa lama?”
“Sabtu sampe Minggu aja, kok.”
“Oh,” Dyo memalingkan matanya kembali ke arah tv, “Okay..."
But Yo, Chanyeol is going to be there too.
I bite my lips. I really want to say those words but I feel like choked up. This is probably the right time to tell him but I just can't do it. Like Chen said, I'm scared. Scared to lose both of them. But if I stay silent and keeping this thing from Dyo, it will also lead me to lose them.
Dyo sadar gue masih ngeliatin dia.
"Kenapa?" He looks at me, confused.
Gue segera menunjukkan senyum, "Gapapa, cuma sedih doang gak bisa nonton Harry Potter bareng kamu minggu depan." I lie.
The truth is-- I'm quite, excited-- yet scared at the same time to think that I will spend a night together with Chayeol.
I'm scared Dyo will find out by himself before I have a chance to tell him.
"Eit, jangan gitu, you still can have fun with your friends," Dyo tersenyum sambil mencubit pipi gue, "Harry Potter and I can wait."
I try to smile and nodded. How can I have fun when I have to meet Chanyeol and Dyo knows nothing about this.
"Asal jangan jadi CLBK sama temen lama kamu terus pas balik-balik kamu ninggalin aku aja..." Canda Dyo sambil tertawa.
I gulped, suddenly feeling nervous but I still laugh it off, "Apaan sih, nggaklah..."
Maaf Dyo... I already did.
