DISCLAIMER
The characters used in this fanfiction are 1. The idols, and 2. The fictional characters.
Any resemblances to any story in real life has nothing to do with this.
Story line, plot, and idea are 100% owned by nandagram.
Enjoy reading and no bashing, please.
Smart critiques are always welcomed.
---
Hyelim-ah,
This is pure hell. Today too, they told me to dance and dance and dance.
How’s life? I wish we can meet up, maybe later after the slavery is done. Heheh.
Take care, it’s gonna be summer soon, don’t get cooked in heat.
I love you.
It was like yesterday, the days he texted me every single night. Telling me what he has done that day, complaining on how the training is ‘killing’ him physically and mentally. And I would cheer him up by replying, once. And only once after each of his text. I cannot text him too much nor too often, it is considered impolite for a trainee. Or at least that’s what he told me. And I choose to believe the explanation. Negative thoughts are bad for us, for our relationship. For our relationship back then.
Hyelim-ah,
This is it. Debut stage.
Fingers crossed!
Without realizing, I smiled after reading that one special text. I remember it was a sunny day, and he got anxious about his debut stage. He texted me three times the day before, that was like around 50 times in a row for the other ‘ordinary’ couples. I assured him that he’d do just fine, and for sure he did. He got to that big stage, showing what he got to the world. Proving everyone who’s doubting him all along is wrong.
And I smiled, too. Watching how he flew freely on stage, being natural as I always say, he was born for it. He got spotlight shining on him ever since he dance his passion out.
How was it?
He texted me right after.
Perfect.
I answered shortly.
---
“Oh my gosh, I cannot believe Crayon Pop just beat them out of it!” Yerin chuckled out, which sounds more like a scoff, actually.
“They deserve it though..,” I started, “I mean, their song is catchy and they’re pretty much a hit lately.”
“Yeah, I know. But wouldn’t it be annoying for EXO’s fans? I mean, come on! They’re one step away from Triple Crown!”
“Yerin-ah, really? You sound like you’re one of the biggest EXO’s fans so much right now,” I said rather playfully.
“Psh, it’s not like you don’t care about EXO at all,” she rolled her eyes.
It was, truthfully, kind of a pity. How EXO didn’t get to celebrate the Triple Crown that day. But it’s not like I have much to say about the issue. Like I explained before, the rival going head-to-head with the said group is a hit nowadays. And I would be straight up lying if I say I don’t like the song “Bar Bar (Bar!)”. If it was me, say, a year ago, I’d probably be just as upset as EXO’s fans right now. But now, the sparkly feelings are long gone. Not the ones I have for EXO, just for one certain member...
“So, have you consider it?” Yerin startled me.
“Huh? About what?”
“The audition? Remember? SM? Audition? You? Singing?” Yerin emphasized on each word.
Which I responded by a short laugh, “No... And never. I would never try out on any audition.”
“Aw, come one, Lim! You’ve got everything they want! Looks, check. Singing ability, check. And even though I have to admit you’re dancing like a old rug on fire, but that’s no biggie! You know?! There’s training process, you can be a decent dancer. And being in SM means you can meet--”
“Yerin, Yerin, please,” I stopped her mid-sentence, “I know what you’re heading for, but no. It’s still no and will always be no for audition.”
Yerin gave me the “I-can’t-believe-you” look, but I just responded with a soft chuckle. Sometimes, my best friend is so oblivious about things. Mostly things I hid quite nicely though. So one cannot blame her on that.
---
I’ve told them that I have a girlfriend.
The fans went crazy! Kekeke
I don’t know what to do, it feels good somehow.
How’s life? Send me all the details, Lim.
I miss you.
There’s a familiar warm feeling when I re-read the texts from him. It’s almost like using a time machine and going back to the times, the good times when him and I were together. The warm feeling almost worked as a drug to me. Whenever I feel sad, or lonely, or a big messy combine of both, I would read his texts. And in a blink of an eye, and a few scroll-downs later, I feel that fuzzy feeling. For a brief moment, the butterflies come back alive in my stomach. And I smiled.
I smiled that stupid smile one only has when love is around.
But then comes the after-effect.
The thread of long period of texting would end. And even though I am well aware of that, it always hit me every time I reach the last text. It hits me strong enough; it turns the ‘fuzzy’ to ‘empty’ in an even faster blink.
I miss you.
I want to go home and eat ramyun and watch movies with you.
What am I doing. Why am I doing this, Lim.
I’m tired.
My grip on the phone tightened every time I read that text. It’s almost as tight as how I feel inside. It’s like having your oxygen supply cut to 50% while you’re running; you can hardly breath and you’re on the edge of breaking down and cry. The feeling is killing you, and you want to scream out for help.
I wanted to make a phone call that time.
I wanted to talk to him, letting him know how I also want him to come back home. To his life before. To me.
But it never happened.
Instead, I sent him a long text on how he should be grateful over the fact that one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea is having him under its wing. I sent funny messages, cheerful stickers, in hope of making him feel happier wherever he is that time.
Hyelim-ah,
Gomawo.
That day, his group made a debut stage.
And it was, indeed, a big success.
---
“Thank you for today! You’ve worked hard!” I bowed out of respect to the people around me.
I would despise myself if it was me a few weeks ago. But here I am, standing in a crowd of what the entertainment industry called as ‘trainees’. I gave out my best smile, I tried to make as many friends as possible, I sang my lungs out, I danced my ankles to its limit. And it suddenly hits me.
These were the things, the exact same things, he’s been through before. All the tryouts, the “I want to stand out among the others” part, the “I am scared yet excited” feelings... And for yet another time, I smiled unconsciously. The warm fuzzy feeling is back, and now it’s because I know what he’s been through before. It’s because I’m walking in his shoes. And I realized, how meaningful those texts he sent me in the past.
“Hyelim-ah, are you okay?” a girl tapped me on the shoulder.
“Huh? Oh, yes! I’m fine!” I smiled in answering, nodding after, “I just spaced out a bit.”
“Well, okay... See you next practice then!” the girl smiled before walking away. I got to remember her name, was it Hyejin..? Hyojin..? Shoot, better get this memorizing thing better next time.
---
It’s getting out of control.
People are coming out as my girlfriend, it makes me mad.
Can you just come out, Lim..?
Keke
Just kidding.
I smiled.
A bitter smile.
He’s basically a superstar now. Everyone, at least every girl wants to be the girlfriend he has been talking about in every interview. And even with my biggest, strongest urge, I still cannot find the guts to tell the world that I am his, and he is mine. Worse, even though I do, I doubt there will be someone believes in my words.
Unless...
Unless he tells people about me.
Which is very rude of me even just to think about.
I know it’s hard for us, Lim. It’s even harder for you, I know.
But please hang on.
Okay?
I love you.
“I love you too...”
---
“Have you heard? They said Hyojin is the girlfriend rumored!”
I know eavesdropping is really inappropriate and unprofessional of me, especially if the people I spy on are fellow trainees. I should’ve just butt in to the conversation instead of pretend to be ignorant while actually listening very carefully.
But they’re talking about me.
At least the context mentioned it’s me.
But why is there some other girl’s name in there instead of my name..?
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Hyojin is so pretty and all,” another person speaks out, and gets a positive responses from the others in group.
I sighed.
Well, this one hurts.
---
They started to spy on every trainee.
We need to be more careful.
Funny thing is I don’t even know who Hyojin is!
Kekekeke
Crazy people.
I read that text over and over again. Be more careful..? Aren’t we careful enough this whole time? No one suspects anything on us. On me. They’re just fussing about anyone who came out straightforward saying that he is her boyfriend. Anyone else doesn’t really matter.
“Oh my God, it’s them!” a girl spoke out.
I look up from my phone, and there they are. EXO.
It almost choke me on how he is standing between the members of the group. I sighed. I don’t even know what am I feeling, I don’t know what am I suppose to feel. Happy? Sad? Angry? It was a big ball of emptiness and tons of questions both in my heart and brain.
“They’re walking here! Oh gosh!” the girl half-whispered out. “Quick! We need to introduced ourselves politely-- Annyeonghaseyo!!!”
And with one last loud exhale, I smile.
I bow to each one of them.
“Annyeongaseyo, Hyelim imnida!”
And I spotted him, looking a bit startled but then smiles.
“Annyeonghaseyo, Jongin imnida...”
-FIN-
