The Admirer

And he’s still there.

Sitting comfortably near the wooden window which decorated with a small blooming Lily pot.

The seat itself is near an old bookshelf so it lets the place quite unseen. Most people won’t realize it though but it has the best view of the Sakura trees that has been the interest of the people who take a walk there.

The guy has a short cut hair, but not short enough to be put on gel and try to model it. I could say he has a muscular body, but it seems that he doesn’t want to appeal it much since he always wears rather a long t-shirt which he usually combines with a sweater or jacket. His brown eyes are just captivating, sharp, and will sink you in if you share glances with him.

He’s always been there alone. He's basically not alone though, because his sketch book always be with him. I sometimes wonder what he draws, he seems so immersed with it and the look in his eyes…it’s so warm….uhm no, it’s more like…his world is in there and he’s so happy to be able to see it.

He doesn’t talk much and like usual, he always orders the same coffee laté. He sometimes smiles to the girls who shyly try to build up a conversation with him, but that’s only it, he will be immersed with his sketch book, again. They may have done some effortlessly attempts, but I wish I could be as brave as those girls and try to greet him when he walks into the shop. His face might look all happy and bright but I know it’s only a mask he wears. He’s far from being happy, it’s always been sad to be honest. There are no sparks in his eyes when he walks in but it’s different when he finally immersed with his sketch book again. I feel jealous sometimes, yes, with a damn sketch book, but damn again, I love to see his smiling face more than his grumpy look.

When it’s a bit windy outside, some Sakura petals fall down from across the street. They view is actually really beautiful and I know even the poker guy can’t resist to look into them. If it’s not because my eyes who’s always been watching his moves, I wouldn’t catch the feelings he describes on his face.

Loneliness.

Days passed and it almost the end of Spring. The weather is getting hotter as its finally welcome the heat of shining summer.

And just like these past years, I still haven’t talked to him. He’s also still with his sketch book.

But I guess miracles do happen.

This time, he makes my heart jumps like little kids. He finally decides to explore the shop and look over the wood decorations, near the place I’m standing right now. Just then, our eyes met. His eyes really drowned me into his own little world. I blush sheepishly and he smiles.

He walks steady in front of me and then said, “You know….You awfully look like a girl I know..” he said while slowly move his hand to my cheeks and stroking it slowly.

I keep silent and watch as his gaze turns back into my eyes. As if I knew what will I find in his eyes, his sadness that I’ve been too familiar to look at brushing through my heart.

We both keep on our peaceful silent for some moments until I hear him say… “Miho… I miss you..”

2 years ago

“Sure Miho-ya, we will meet on the coffee shop near the Sakura trees.”

By then I realized she’s gearing up to start her lectures and of course I won’t let that to happen and cut her off, “And yes yes of course, I know, I will wear a waaaarm clothes so I won’t get sick, yes I know Miho, it’s windy outside so I should wear warm clothes, yep.”

I heard her giggled, it’s always as sweet as cherry berries as it’s also never failed to make me smile. Suddenly, there was this silence I kinda didn't like. Then she finally called my name and to tell you the truth, it's almost like a whisper instead, “Kai?”

“Uhm, yea?”

“Promise me, you’ll have a great life, okay?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “Well, of course I will and you will too. Why did you say this?”

“Oh no, nothing. So… I’ll see you this afternoon? Take care Kai, I love you.”

I pushed my worry away and replied her with a smile, “I love you too Miho, take care.”

Before it’s time for our appointment, her mother called me and said that Miho is at the hospital. She told me that her heart was unstable and ended up helplessly collapsed.

I rushed myself through the hospital she mentioned, I felt my sweats all over my face, wet hair, and I bet I was a mess. But geez, me, the one who knows he’s good looking, was-not-freakin-care.

A few minutes later, with a sweaty face and me gasping in a need of Oxygen, I finally reached her room. Her parents whom I thought were talking to her, stopped their chit-chat with her daughter and when Miho looks who’s coming, she formed a weak smile and said, “Hi Kai.. Heeh.. You look… Amazing.”

This time, I just let out a sniff and let that one tease go. I greet her parents by nodding while giving them my most polite smile and walked beside Miho. I put my finger on her lip, “Sshh, I know but I want you to not talk too much now,” I said while put her bangs that covered a little bit of her beautiful eyes. She giggled, “Nah, I think I need to talk a bit much now. And wow Mr. Good-Looking, you’re finally wearing warm clothes!” she said proudly, clapping herself slowly, and happily. And I actually blushed to that. What.

“I know you’re sexy, and you know that, but please, wearing more clothes is a proper way to prevent you from getting some cold, you know,” she said trying to convince me that she’s in a serious mode now and I just can smile at her fail attempt to not make me worried.

“Hey.. Stop with the trying-to-divert the topic, Miho,” I said purposely trying to look angry which made her laughs a little. Her parents smile too and then excuse themselves for us having our private talks.

After the door clicked, I grab both of her hands while sitting near the bed.

“Miho are you—“

“Kai,” she said with a smile and fixing her gaze to mine which abruptly making my heart jogs like there’s no tomorrow.

“Uh.. Y-yeah?”

“You know, I won’t make this so cliché, but I don’t think I will live long.”

I feel like thousands kilos of barbell dropped onto my knees but I feel nothing, physically. My face fell and I can’t help but feel down from her shocking announcement.

She giggled a little, “Hey, don’t be so shocked… We both know this is somehow will happen soon, you know? And do you know what? I don’t want you to live like those boys who were left by his girlfriends. You know…they look…awfully ugly…..and plainly stupid,” she said with a serious face and then she continued with a weak smile while holding my cheeks with her cold hands, “I want to see your handsome face…Healthy body…and you, having a good freakin life from above. So please, don’t live in the past, okay?” she said while smiling but I know her tears starting to cover her eyesight.

I gather up all of my strength and bend down to hug her tenderly in my arms. I feel her tears staring to make my shoulder wet and I can’t help but escaping some tears from my glittery eyes too.

“If...If that’s what you want..I will try to do that. But please, I also have some little wish that you need to do,” I said while sniffing a little as I look into her eyes again and she nods, waiting for me to say my prayers.

“You asked me to promise to have a great life. I want you to promise something too.”

This time, she furrowed her eyebrows, “And what would it be?”

I fix my gazed into her and smile while saying this, “Promise me, when the Spring falls and the Sakura trees near the coffee shop start to bloom, you’ll help the Sakura falls and make everyone awe with its beauty. By then, that’s when you’ll see me, in the coffee shop, watching you being a good girl, be proud, because my girl can do great without me by her side,” I said while offering my shaky pinky finger,  “Promise?”

She laughs, some tears fall again into her face, but she still looks as beautiful as ever. She tied her pinky finger on mine, “Of course sir, I promise. I will be a great friend to help the Sakura Godness, just watch me,” she said still giggling while trying to clear up her tears.

I smile too and give her a kiss on the forehead for a long time after that. She then closed her eyes and gave me the last best smile she ever showed to me.

--

I watched him as he slowly started to cry. I don’t know what to say because he doesn’t say a thing for quite some minutes and only keeps holding my shoulder.

“She also has a big brown eyes like you.. She always braid her hair like this and still look unbelievably cute although it’s a nerd style,” he then chuckles a bit, “She nags when I wear a super hot outfits, which I actually did it on purpose to make her flail for me. But man! Although all of the girls near me fall for my hotness, she never did!” he laughs again and bend down, trying to cover his face from me as he shrugs himself and try to stop the water coming from his eyes.

He looks up again and smile, “But most of all… I wish… she comes back, you know? I miss her smile…and God, I miss her lectures, so much. And here I’m sharing my thoughts to you,” he laughs again a bit and clearing his throat while looking at me again, “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay? Hope I don’t bother you… Hm.. What should I call you… Ah! Sooha. Yes, that’s actually pretty a nice name. I’m good, ain’t I? ㅎㅎ See you later, Sooha-ya~,” he smiles to me, pat my head, and walks away. I smile back but I know he always see me smiles anyways. Yes, I always smile. A smiling doll. Because that's what I am, the pretty doll who looks like someone he knows.

As he finally unseen, I let my sigh out although I know no one will hear it anyways.

Hey..I also wish…I won’t always be an admirer, you know?