We were 5.
I remembered playing hide and seek and tag team with you. The grass were so green, the sun is shining and in the background was our mother’s voice telling us to stop running before we fell on the ground.
And she’s right.
I saw your little self stumbling upon some branch and messed up your hair. Then you started to cry. I got panicked as I saw you spill those crystal tears of yours and looking all messy on the ground but cute at the same time.
I can’t help but feel guilty.
I only remembered my mom dragged me away before i can even go to you and smacked my butt. “That’s what you get when you don’t listen to me Park Chanyeol!” she said angrily.
Seeing her face and being a cry baby as I am, I cried too. Our crying voices echoed in the big back yard of your house. I heard my mom apologizing to yours because of that and as I took a glance at you, you had your face on your mother’s face and sobbed. That makes me cried even harder.
Why can’t I protect you? I thought as I saw you from my mother's shoulder as she carried me inside.
Well. I was five.
We were 10.
I was looking at you infront of our elementary school locker, picking up your books from the ground. I sighed. I guess they were after you again huh? The bullies?
As I approached you, You immediately looked up and smiled at me like nothing was going on. I hate that. I hate that habit of yours and this is where you begin to start hiding your feelings from me.
“What’s up yeol?” you said as you got up and dusting your shirt.
“What’s up with you?”
You just merely shook your head and chuckled, “I just slipped. It’s ok,” shrugging and then start to marched to our class. I heard snickers from the back and look at those girls that’ve been bullying you for the past months laughing. I just sent them a glare before they stopped.
Now, Why can’t i protect you?
Well. I was a coward.
We were 16.
We were already in high school. I realized that we’re drifting apart since middle school. I guess, that’s what every childhood friends must go through. Our cliques made us apart. I was enjoying my time being the jocks and popular guy while you joined the school’s acappela group.
Eventhough you still live in the house beside mine, we never play together again. Or even just had the time to talk. Our last conversation was.....was... oh god I don't even remember when it was.
I've been a bad friend to you. I remember you once, trying to talk to me in the hallway but i just ignore you because of my pride. To be honest, the popular guy couldn't be seen with a member of that lame accapella group. I was so stupid. very very very stupid. I am very sorry about that.
Then at the 11th grade i started to date with my first girfriend, Jiyeon. We are the school's sweet hearts, she's the head cheerleader and me the captain of basketball team. We are perfect, at least i thought we were.
But then I started to realize that our relationship got even worse. Oh, who wants to talk to the person who's been ignoring you for the whole year right babe? Yeah. I was that dick. But you never left my sight, even you aren't talking to me anymore or even look at me. I can't help it. You are even prettier now with your long black locks flowing freely on your back.
You're beautiful. Even more beautiful than Jiyeon if I must say and i realize my heart start doing weird drumming thing when I look at you. Then one or two times, i caught you looking at me with sorrowful eyes in the cafetaria or in the gym. Where I had Jiyeon wrapped all around me, you would look very sad and those eyes, shows anger? jealousy? and then I feel bad.
At that point I started to realize something, that I need you even more now.
That I miss us.
I miss our friendship and....I miss you very much.
I was about to tell you that I'm sorry for being such a dick and all when I saw you walking towards our class alone after gym. You still wore that long trainers and school shirt. I wonder what makes my feet dragged me towards your homeroom at that time. But what i saw wasn’t really pleasing to my eyes. I wonder why, at that time.
You were kissing him. That guy named Jonghyun. I never knew that you were with him or anything. My heart was clenching and inslightly feel hurt. At that time, i don’t even know why. I guess i was just mad at myself because I’m not the closest guy to you anymore. I got mad that you changed.
But what the hell, Well, I do too.
I was so dumb not to realize that feeling sooner and just decided to ignore it. Eversince that, i found myself stealing glances at you in the school. Or just meters away from you to home.
Until that day, I accidentally saw both of you again, you and Jonghyun, in the class. So much different with the first time i saw both of you 3 months ago. He was actualy slapped your face so hard until you stumbled back and hit your back to the table.
That fricken dick. My body was acting first before my head completely register everything and stormed towards him before throwing a punch that broke his nose.
I felt relieved.
You were staring at me with wide eyes, “Chanyeol, what are you doing?!!” you were screaming. Hell. I don’t even understand how you could even ask that question at me. Wasn’t it obvious?
Instead of answering I just grabbed your hand and snatch your back, dragging you away from that dick. Again, I couldn’t protect you. I could just open my mouth and finally say,
“I’m sorry,”
Because I can’t protect you again.
We were 18.
The condition were back as if we never part in the first place. Well, it took sometimes to get us talk like we used to be, hang out and be comfortable with each other again since we're teenagers now. But ee got along really well and it feels like elementary school all over again. I’m starting to realize that the feelings i got for you grew even stronger at that time. But i don’t have the courage to say it.
I don’t want us to drift apart anymore. I’m scared that you’ll go again from me.
So I just let you date another guy that i approved of. I can’t help but feel those fire eating my heart everytime I saw you with Jinki sunbaenim. Instead, i try to erase those feelings by dating Yejin. She was lovely, but not as lovely as you.
And my heart can’t lie. My feelings can’t lie. I do love you. But i’m affraid, you’ll push me away if you knew.
But that proves me wrong once again.
Do you remember how it happened? It was the 3rd week after you got single again. You refused to do long distance relationship because Jinki was studying in Japan. You came to me again and I welcomed you. Anytime, Anywhere.
I was too overwhelemed with feelings i guess....at that time. Or is it the effect of the soju we sneaked to my room?
“I love you,” I said to you as our back was leaning on the bed board.
You froze and stop eating your popcorn that you had on your lap. My heart was beating faster and the room suddenly feels so quiet. I'm worried if you could hear that sound too.You looked at me with that doe eyes of yours that i adore, not saying anything and face straight as usual.
I gulped. I was totally scared. But im not backing out.
I need us to change and i’m taking the chance.
I thought you were going to hit me as you raised your hand but you caressed my face and plant a sweet lingering kiss on the tip of my nose. I was taken aback for sure before my mouth curl upwards
as yours too.
“I wonder when will you say those words you know yeol,” you said with cheeks tainted with crimson colored and looked down.
I let out the breath i didn't know I was holding at that time and finally, it feels like the weight of the world has been lift off from me. I blushed deeply as you reach my hand and had yourself wrapped around my torso all of sudden; but i feel content.
We are finally here.
We were 22.
Settled into our newly furnished apartment and snuggled into our warm covers on the couch. It was our usual friday movie night that you loved since high school. It was my suggestion that we had to watch horror movies. Since i knew you can’t handle it well, you just snuggled closer to me and hide your face in my chest.
Hehe, that was my intention. I’m sorry .
Oh and I’m sorry too.....that I keep you up late all night last night. I just, can’t help it.
We're finally one.
I can’t help as the image of last night was pouring back to me like waterfall. It was beautiful. You are beautiful. The only one that I need to cherish, I need to protect and I need to have. Till the end of time.
I feel so at peace with you. Whenever i’m with you or smell your vanilla scented hair, it always makes me calm. I could just drown myself in your heavenly scent everyday. I caught you looking into the ring that I gave you last month. You smiled as you looked up at me and gave me a peck.
“I can’t wait Yeol. I love you,” I smiled and ruffled his hair before hugging your body tight against mine.
“Me too babe,” i kissed on top of your head.
I can’t believe that it’s been 6 years already. It feels just like yesterday that I took that chance which changed my life. When your mom finally let us move in together, I feel like I was about to fly to the 7th sky. Finally.
Finally I can keep you by my side every time, every day.
Waking up and see your beautiful face infront of me. Then hearing your laugh throught the home, any time, and also hearing your footsteps as outside the bedroom as you make my morning coffee and there’s no need to see that you pouted as we parted goodbye every night after our date, and to develop something more and deeper because we can. It was a bliss.
This is my happiness.
I raised your palm as we intertwined our fingers. Then I look at the pure adorable little thing on your ring finger. The image of our future flashed bright in front of my eyes, as bright and clear as the diamond In the middle of it. The image of what our life will be like in 3 months after I vow to you for my whole life.
It was our engagement ring. Do you still have it?
I hope you did. Cause i never get rid of mine and always wear it anytime, anywhere. I feel so content at that time, I hope we never part and we always be together.
But I think, God has different plan for us and all we need to do is face it.
Right?
We are 23
I was doing my daily jog on the tracks near our apartment while you were already in the office because some stupid morning meeting with your boss. It’s ok. I know how busy your usual monday mornings can be in that advertising firm you worked. That's why I choose to work from home as an architect. but the money that I got from all the tenders are more than enough to buy a nice new house in the suburbs after we got married latter.
But you know, what happened that day....I kinda have a feeling about it before it happen.
That particular day, I feel kind of......weird. The weather feels weird, the juice feels weird, and even wind feels weird to me at that day. I feel like there’s something the wind wanted to tell me. Even in the morning as I saw you in the kitchen preparing our meals with your office get up on, I feel like I need to hold you.
And Thank god that I did.
I hold you so tight, so dearly and i don't know why at that time. it feels like I was going to lose you. Like it was the last time that i got to hold your body and had your head on my chest. Feeling your warm arms wrapped around my torso and rubbing my back slowly.
"Chanyeol, let go~ we'll see each other again this evening babe," you patted my cheeks and lean up to kiss me on the lips.
That one last kiss.
My thoughts are coming back to me again as I keep jogging on the sidewalks while hearing Benzino's songs from my iPod. A smile popped out in my face everytime I remember something about you. Every little thing you do, it still gave me those butterflies in my stomach.
I feel like I need to call you right now so I grab my phone from my pants and dialed your number while walking. But I don’t realize the coming car towards me because of some sleepy driver,
It was the only thing I remembered. And from that point, there's only blackness.
Blackness……………until I woke up in the hospital. And you, I saw you crying your hearts out as you stand beside me.
Beside me, beside my body.
You were crying so hard, so hard and shouting to me that I can’t leave you yet. I can’t leave you yet because next week we’re supposed to get marry and live happily ever after. You held my hands so tight but now…I can’t feel it anymore.
That makes my heart hurt even more. I can’t help but also cry and reach to your body to gave you a warm hug like I did this morning.
But I can’t now
nor I can’t hold you tight in my arms again.
I’m sorry causing you so much pain like this. It’s god’s own path that made us like this. Maybe we’re not meant to be together in this world.
So until we meet again honey, I’ll watch over you now.
I’ll protect you now every day, every time, every where since I can’t do it before.
I’m sorry my love.
Don’t be sad. I’m always here, right beside you and in your heart.
~ Love Your Guardian Angel~
-End-
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[not edited, sorry! ><]
