"I can't take your call right now. I'm probably busy or.. too lazy to talk to you, haha. Call again later okay? Bye."
Her playful voice from the voicemail greeted me again for the third time this morning. I smiled and brought my phone down from my ear and threw it to the bed as Minhyuk popped his head on my door.
"Breakfast is ready, let's eat." He gave me his innocent smile.
"Okay, I'll be out in a sec." I stood up from my seat and opened my drawer to find any shirt to wear. I pulled out a white printed tshirt from the pile of clothes and put it on. As I walked towards the door to meet the others guys for breakfast, my glance once again fell to my bed. Where my phone lied there lifelessly. I let out a deep sigh and pulled my door open in frustration.
I should really stop calling her, it's not like she would answer..
* * *
Busan, two years ago
Finally, a vacation!
I grinned widely at the sight of my family house once I stepped out of my mother's car. CNBLUE's promotion cycle was just finished a couple of days ago, and we were all given some free time to spend for ourselves. Our members were either go abroad or just lazying around at the dorm. As for me? What would be better than going back to my hometown? I miss my family, but most importantly.. I miss her.
"What are you doing? Bring your bags to your room." My mother tapped my shoulder.
"I'll do it later. I'm going somewhere first, I'll be back before dinner." I smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before I ran to a house not far from mine. The front door opened after two knocks, revealing a girl with her jeans short and a loose tshirt. Her eyes widen when she saw me.
"Yongyong!!" She called me by my nickname she insisted of using since our childhood. Yes, I've known her since we're kids and we've been bestfriends ever since. At least, that's what she thought, because for me she's more than that.
Shin Aira. She was my first love, and I still love her until this day.
After I greeted all of her family, we climbed outside her bedroom's window to the rooftop. It's her hideout for whenever she feels that she wanted to be alone and think. I earned my spot in this place after one night when she found out that her boyfriend cheated and she needed a shoulder to cry on. We spent half of that night cursing her jerk of a boyfriend and shared our dreams for the future for the rest of the night. I told her that I wanted to pursue being a singer, and she gave me her full support.
"What are you doing tonight?" She asked while laying down with her hands behind her head.
"Nothing, why?"
"It's blue moon today, wanna see it together?"
"Blue moon? What's that?"
"You don't know? It's a full moon that happens for the second time in a month. It's a rare astronomical event!" She said excitedly.
"Tsk. What's so special about a full moon? Only you care about this kind of things, hahaha." I laughed, earning a deathly glare from her, "So, this blue moon thingy will happen tonight?" I added.
"Yeah, that's what they say. It's so beautiful, you have to see it at least once in your life. So, coming?" She asked in anticipation.
"Fine.. I'll be here after dinner." I gave her my promise. I wouldn't say no for a chance to spend times with her.
Just like I promised her, I came to her rooftop that night. She was right, the moon was beautiful, but it wasn't that much different with the ordinary full moon I usually see. We spent a full hour arguing about why they call it blue moon if it wasn't even blue in color. Finally, I gave up when she said, "Let's just pretend that it's blue, problem solved!" in frustration.
And when I stared at her under the dim moonlight, I did what I always wanted to do. I kissed her, and when she's about to ask why I did it, I told her my feelings. I was the happiest man in the world when she smiled and let me know that she feels the same way.
That night, under the blue moon, we're officially together.
* * *
Seoul, one year ago
Grave disease.
I couldn't believe my ear when she answered my question as to why she was in Seoul right now, why she was answering the phone in a hospital so far away from her home. I rushed out from our studio without hanging up the phone, threwing so many questions to her as to why I only heard about this now. She said she's already staying there for two weeks, doing some tests and treatments. She said there's nothing that I should worry about but how could I not?
She greeted me with a pout the moment I opened her ward door, "Aish babo. I told you nothing's to worry about."
"How can I not worry, huh?" I approached her and took her hand into mine, "What happened?"
"I just feel weird these days, and the doctor back in Busan suggested that I should do some tests here. The rest is like what I told you on the phone."
"Is it bad? Is it curable?" I asked her because I wasn't familiar with the illness she told me earlier.
"I'm submitted to a lot of treatments, but they said I'll be fine as long as I take my treatments well.." She gave me reassuring smile.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure. Do I look sick?" She motioned to herself and continued, "Stop worrying. Let's go upstairs, to the rooftop."
"Rooftop? Now?"
"Yes, now. It's full moon today!" She smiled excitingly and jumped out of her bed.
"Are you sure you're healthy enough? It's really cold outside." I furrowed my eyebrows in worry.
"I told you I'm fine, didn't I?" She pouted once again.
"But.."
"Please..." She pleaded. I shook my head in amusement. I never met any other person who loves the moon as much as she does. Okay I gave up. I grab her jacket and put it on her.
"No blue moon tonight?" I asked jokingly as we walked through the hallway. I leaded her to the elevator where some of the nurse greeted her and then whispering among themselves when they recognized me.
"Too bad, but the next blue moon wouldn't appear until 2015. Promised me that we'll see it then?" She asked me.
"Sure. I'll free up my schedule just for you.." I patted her head and kissed her temple once the elevator door closed.
* * *
Seoul, 6 months ago
"...I'm sorry, Yonghwa. I'm sorry.." A strained voice of the middle aged woman I knew as Aira's mother felt like a stab to my heart, making my legs weaken as I fell on my knees. My phone hit the floor with a loud thump.
"Hyung? What's wrong?" Jungshin approached me with an obvious worry in his face. Jonghyun noticed the phone next to his feet and he brought it up to his ear, representing me to talk to Aira's mother. His face turned dark once he listened to her words.
"Nae, eomeoni.. I'll tell him that. I'm sorry for your loss.." He said in a low voice. Everyone understood what happened the moment he hanged up and joined me on the floor, tears on his eyes. "Hyung, mianhe.." I couldn't say anything. My world went dark as the dreaded news keeps on repeating in my head.
Aira's dead.
Her illness killed her. They were stopping her treatments because she's getting better and they said she could use other lighter treatments for her disease. Turns out they were wrong. They stopped the treatments too fast and resulted in what they called a 'thyroid storm' which was rare to happen.
If it was so rare to happen, how could it freaking happen to my Aira?? Why her?
I wanted to scream. I wanted to run there to prove them that they're wrong. My Aira was alive, she couldn't be dead! I promised her that we're going to see that blue moon again, she couldn't be dead.
"She can't be dead..she can't be dead.." I repeated over and over again while I curled up on the floor, with my members surrounding me trying their best not to breakdown in tears too. What am I going to do now? I didn't even manage to hear her voice for the last time..
* * *
Seoul, present time
"I can't take your call right now. I'm probably busy or.. too lazy to talk to you, haha. Call again later okay? Bye."
Her voice played in my ear again tonight.
I've been making it a habit to call her number since the day I realized that she recorded her own voice as her voicemail. Her playful voice from across the line never change, it was as if she was there somewhere with her phone ready to pick up my call.
I must be crazy.. people thinks I'm going crazy. No, I need to do this so that I won't be going crazy for real.
This was the only way I could feel her presence in my life. I knew I was just lying to myself by doing this, but I still couldn't accept the fact that she's gone.
"We're here." My manager's voice broke my thoughts. I looked out the tinted window of our van and realized that we're already arrived at our concert venue. I grabbed my bag and shoved my phone inside. We descended the van one by one with me as the last one. Once I stepped my foot on the pavement ground, I look up to see the bright huge billboard above us.
CNBLUE Blue Moon World Tour 2013
I closed my eyes tightly as a single drop of tears escaped my eyes. Aira, it's blue moon again tonight. You'll come right?
